


The Worries of Love

by shirewalker



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M, Post Crooked Kingdom, actually canon compliant xD, in which Alina and Nikolai go on not so peaceful adventures, more punches than hugs, worried alina gives both hugs and punches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 16:48:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10858071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shirewalker/pseuds/shirewalker
Summary: Set post Crooked Kingdom, Alina and Nikolai are out on a dangerous mission to find and offer shelter to grisha in danger. when the mission goes awry and they have to separate, hidden feelings rise.





	The Worries of Love

 

 

 

An arrow flew by, so close that Alina felt it more than she saw it. She turned her head and saw a Shu archer at the top of a building, already readying another arrow.

A hand grabbed hers, “We have to go, Alina.” Nikolai said, his tone urgent as he tugged her hand and guided her through the closed market booths. It was twilight, the last rays of sun barely enough to illuminate the Shu pirates hunting them through the market square.

Alina and Nikolai had gone to a small Shu town after clues on hidden Grisha, with promises of protection and immunity in hand. But there were others after the rumours, and once they saw their competition was the famous Sturmhond… Well, they weren’t about to let him walk away, not really.

“Where’s Tamar?!” Alina gasped as they rushed through the dark streets. Not a soul in sight, as if all witnesses and help had simply turned their backs on them.

“Here!” the heartrender answered just a second later as she appeared through another dark and narrow street. Alina saw her golden eyes before the woman herself. Hair in disarray, axes on hand, Tamar looked as much of a runaway as the two of them.

In a split second, Nikolai pushed her into Tamar’s hold, “Take her to safety.”

“What about you?” both girls said, Alina ready to tear him apart for such order, Tamar ready to fulfil it. Powers or not, Tamar would always put Alina’s safety before hers.

“I’ll meet you by the harbour. Take her, now!” He urged the two girls before rushing into the open, his loud breathing diverting their pursuers’ attention. When Nikolai looked back at the alley he’d just left, it was as empty as it should be.

 

* * *

 

After what felt like hours of running through darkened alleys, under arches that could be hiding an enemy and over a few lower roofs that were almost too slippery for his balance, the king had finally lost his tail. While before he’d ran with all his might, now he sneaked through the shadows, afraid of making even the smallest sound. A hiss left his lips as a cat passed through his legs. His heart hammered far too loud with the scare. He hoped neither cat nor heart would give away his location.

The harbour was just around the corner, around ten meters of open area that he could rush through if he just timed it well enough. No one would see him. Or he would die.

A heavy weight settled on his chest as his eyes took in the figures that lurked by the harbour entrance. The way was blocked. Which meant Nikolai couldn’t get to his ship. Which meant…

His heart slowed just for a brief second once, twice. Panic lingered close by, ready to take over just as soon as he let it.  Then, a hand was on his shoulder and he knew it was Tamar before she could even speak.

“They were already there when we arrived.” She whispered her answer to his silent question.

“Where’s Alina?” Nikolai wouldn’t allow himself to breathe easy until he knew she was safe. He’d let her come, it would be his fault if anything happened to her.

Tamar’s lips curved slightly, as if she knew more than she showed, “She’s fine. We found a small inn close by. Paid with cash, plenty of it, enough to grant us a night of safety.” She quickly explained, already anticipating the king’s next questions.

Nikolai nodded as he allowed himself to breathe again.

“You should go to her. She was worried sick. Almost had to knock her out to stop her from going out looking for you.” Tamar’s smirk grew, no longer hidden, “Imagine it, me, knocking out Sankta Alina.”

“Ex-Sankta.” He corrected. Tamar remained silent. Then she nodded once, signalling him to follow her. Once they found the small inn, Tamar spoke again, “She’s in the top floor, the only room in there. Knock twice fast and three times slow, then tell her it’s you. Alina has the key, only she can open that door.” Tamar quickly instructed him before walking into the shadows again, “I’ll keep watch.”

 

* * *

 

Two fast knocks, three slow knocks, “Alina? It’s me.” Nikolai breathed through the door frame, carefully listening to any sounds within the room. Then, steps and the turning of a lock. He waited a full second before entering the room, closing the door behind him as silently as possible.

Alina stood a couple of meters away from him, eyes wide open with fear and relief. He started to speak, but in a second Alina was rushing to him and for a moment it looked as if she was going to hug him. But then she started banging her closed fists on his chest, “Saints damn you, Nikolai! How dare you suggest we go separate ways when people are trying to kill us?! Are! You! MAD?!” She punctuated each word with a new punch, the king only registering part of the pain shooting from the hits. After a long string of offenses weaved with words of worry and concern, Alina finally stopped hitting him. The next second she’s circling his chest and pulling him close into a bone-crushing hug, “I was so worried, you jerk.” The words came out in a whisper, muffled into his chest.

The words vibrated through his body and his heart grew just a bit, Nikolai not allowing himself to let her worries go to his head. But still he returned the hug and held her close, drawing light circles on her back, her small frame fitting perfectly within the boundaries of his arms, “I’m sorry, but we had to go separate ways. I couldn’t…” a shaky breath, “I couldn’t risk losing you.” Just the idea of a world without Alina was enough to have him on his knees, ready to give up everything.

A smirk found its way into his lips when he felt Alina rolling her eyes, “But Ravka could risk losing its king?” again, her words were muffled by his chest, though her voice vibrated, once more, through every bone inside him. It alone could warm his very core.

“There was never a risk of my dying, Alina dearest. I am, after all, the too clever fox, aren’t I?” he said. Alina could hear the insufferable smirk in his words. Why had she even told him about that? Nikolai always brought it up at the worst of times. Though… to be fair, he was right _this_ time. She knew, somehow, that Nikolai would have found a way to get out safe and sound. Maybe a bit maimed, with bruises and scratches and a ruined jacket, but alive nevertheless.

She took in a deep breath and suddenly her body became too hot, too aware of his scent invading her lungs and the knowledge of how close they were flooded her mind. His body was as close to hers as it was humanly possible and Alina could feel every lean and toned muscle under her grip. His heartbeat rang right next to her head and she longed to be just a little closer to it, just to listen to its music a little better. She thought of the way her tiny, red and treacherous beating organ shrank with the fear of losing Nikolai and never seeing him again. She thought of the way it grew thrice its size at the sight of an unharmed Nikolai, those hazel eyes as sharp and awake as ever. She thought of the way his presence alone could make her feel a thousand times lighter. The decision was made and her hands moved up at a lazy pace, fingertips feeling the shape of his back as she breathed him in.

Nikolai shuddered softly, almost imperceptibly, as he felt her hands move. It was torture to be touched by her like that. Pure, sweet torture. He would face a thousand deaths if it meant he could hold her close like this without any of the restraint he felt right now.

Alina looked up and ran her hands through his hair, the blond locks soft like the purest silk under her touch. Her eyes found his for the briefest of seconds before she brought him down, their lips finally meeting. For a moment, a long, silent moment, Alina could only focus on the pressure of his lips on hers, on their shape and their taste and the way he seemed to sigh into her. Or was it her sighing? She didn’t know, all she knew was that she was kissing Nikolai. And it was perfect.

His lips parted and he captured her lower lip between his teeth, teasing it before the tip of his tongue traced its shape. A moan formed in her throat as Nikolai teased her, the sound only growing when his hand moved slowly into her hair. His touch was restrained, as if she was made of glass and one simple wrong move could break her apart. Retrained yes, but oh so electrifying. Her senses were all alight. Alina was surprised she was still standing.

Her fingers found the buttons of his jacket and she tried to open it while never breaking the kiss. She didn’t know what would happen if they stopped kissing, but she simply didn’t want to take her chances. And it tasted like heaven to kiss Nikolai, she just couldn’t break away. It didn’t take long before both his jacket and his shirt were gone, though it was too slow for her taste, her attention captured momentarily by the way Nikolai kissed her jaw and her neck and the curve where it met her shoulder and saints, how could these kisses drive her mad so easily? The way her blood boiled with every kiss, the way electricity rushed through her nerves, it was maddening. And she couldn’t get enough of it.

 

* * *

 

“Alina…” Nikolai breathed against the dip of her clavicle, her clothes now discarded on the floor. His calloused hands explored her exposed skin, the touch warm and tender and careful. Every inch of her skin erupted into fireworks wherever he touched her. Kisses showered her milky white skin, words of love and adoration whispered with such sentiment, she felt lightheaded. Alina arched her body, with each new kiss, wanting more and more of his maddening kisses. More, more, more.

“Nikolai!” she gasped when he captured a nipple and sucked it softly, once, twice. Her body wanted turned into embers. Any moment now, she would melt. She would melt and all she wanted was to melt into him. Nikolai’s lips travelled down, planting burning kisses across her body, on her belly button, on her hips bones, on her thighs. All along, his hands never leaving her skin, touching and holding and exploring. Exploring, exploring… A moan grew on her lips when Nikolai dipped a finger within her folds and teased her. “Oh…” Alina bit her lip, trying to stifle down her moans as Nikolai slowly teased her with his finger, once, twice… And then he dipped another and Alina’s mind was turning into a puddle as he kept teasing her and kissing her skin and whispering little prayers and words of beauty and magic and wonder and… saints, how could one person feel so many things in such a few seconds?

She could feel it, the edge getting closer and closer with each movement of Nikolai’s. But just before she could come undone, a coldness filled the space where his fingers had been and a whimper escaped her lips. Nikolai chuckled softly before placing a kiss on her skin, before she felt his tongue moving in and then, with just a few flicks, he finally pushed her over the edge. She was like a star bursting apart, spreading light and dust through the night as she came undone under his touch. It was unlike anything she had ever felt and it was simply indescribable.

When Nikolai resurfaced and their lips met each other again, her heart was running at such an erratic rhythm, Alina was surprised it hadn’t carved open her chest and rushed away. Nikolai kissed her soundly, pouring all of him into each kiss and each breath and each touch. His hands were lost deep within her hair.

White, shining locks spread over the sheets, like starlight spilled on earth. And Nikolai was drunk. Drunk in love and lust and in _her_. Alina. The young king had never thought it could be possible to feel so full of a person, so filled to the brim with just the presence of someone. But then again, it was _Alina_. And Alina had always, always, surprised him. There was not a moment when she didn’t do or say something unexpected. And he loved it about her, he loved how she was such a surprising creature. He loved how she made him let go and just be himself with her.

Nikolai kissed her over and over again, his mind replaying the sounds she made as his fingers and his tongue teased her. Such beautiful sounds, almost as beautiful as when she yelled and got mad at him. Almost.

Alina dug her nails into his back, rocking her hips against his, “Nikolai…” her tongue refused to say anything besides his name. And her heart struggled with so much to say, so much to tell. She could feel his own lips dying to speak, to say anything, but for the moment, the two lovers seemed too lost within each other to form any words, and frankly, she didn’t mind it that much. There was time. In that moment, in their little bubble, they had all the time in the world.

When Nikolai finally slid inside her, a satisfied sigh left her lips as she savoured the way he fit in so perfectly. “Alina… Saints…” His voice was raw with emotion, lips hovering just a breath away from hers, “I have to tell you this…” He licked his lips once, “I… I love you… so much, Alina. I love you. I _love_ you.” Love, honest and pure. She could feel it in his words, spoken and unspoken words. The next second Alina was kissing him with even more passion than before, her lips hungry, hungry, hungry. Nikolai pulled out just a bit, and then he moved in again, a groan forming in the back of his throat. He gained momentum and Alina lost all grasp on reality.

“Oh… Saints… Yes…” Her words were broken between thrusts and kisses, as their rhythm grew and changed into a dance that only the two of them knew, “Nikolai! Oh!” She was so close, so, so close to coming undone again, so close… The climax of their dance grew closer and closer with each passing second and kiss and thrust. “Oh, Nikolai. Oh! OH!” A moan, loud and raw left her lips as she fell over the edge. Nikolai drank the sound with a final kiss and a groan of his own, as he found his release.

A long moment passed in complete silence as the two rested in each other’s’ embrace, their erratic breathing breaking through. Alina grabbed a hand of his, scars covering all of it, and kissed it with soft, feather like kisses, before whispering into his palm, “I love you too, Nikolai.”

 

* * *

 

A nose nuzzled in her hair, white curls all tangled up from the previous night. Alina almost purred with the softness and intimacy of the touch, but with effort, she managed to remain silent.

“Good morning, sunshine.” Nikolai half-whispered, half-mumbled as his arms circled her waist and pulled her closer, closer, closer. He kissed the back of her neck, the outline of her shoulder, the shell of her ear. Her body buzzed with the electricity each kiss and whisper planted on her skin.

“What time is it?”

Nikolai played with her hair, eyes entranced for a moment by the way the white locks captured every and any ray of light, as if each strand could trap light within its core. After a moment, he finally answered, voice suddenly much more serious and awake, “It’s almost sunrise.”

Alina understood the unspoken meaning that dripped from the silence that followed his answer. They had to leave. Now.

“I guess we have to go, right?”

She felt him nod, “Yes. Before the sun is up, taking cover in the morning fog. Tamar must be waiting for us already.”

Alina turned to him, eyes like slits, “Then why didn’t you wake me up before?” As wonderful as just staying in bed in Nikolai’s arms was, they weren’t exactly on holidays. They couldn’t sleep until lunchtime, no matter how interesting that prospect could be.

The smirk that curved his lips was so insufferable that Alina almost smothered the king with her pillow, “You looked so calm, so peaceful… how could I wake you up?” his smirk was still there, but there was a sincerity to his words that made her anger die a bit. Alina opened her mouth, but before she could speak again Nikolai was pecking her lips and moving out of the bed, “We got to move, before Tamar comes in to drag us out.”

 

* * *

 

Her body seemed to be on fire with the sight of the knowing smirk that graced Tamar’s lips just as the three met downstairs. A bag of gold was dropped by a sleeping old man and soon they were running through empty alleys.

Alina’s mind seemed to switch between the imminent danger and the memories that Nikolai’s hand holding hers brought back. It wasn’t a good time to relive the previous night, but she couldn’t stop the flashes that came to life. Kisses, touches, whispers and gasps and moans and smiles. Saints, the way Nikolai had smiled… So wild, so free. So beautiful.

Finally they reached the docks. Tamar cursed under her breath, “There are too many men in our way, we’ll never make it past them.”

Nikolai’s hold on Alina’s hand tightened for a brief second, “We could make a d—” but whatever crazy idea he was about to say died on his lips as the wall of people blocking their past scrambled under a shower of bullets. “Tolya!” Nikolai whooped as his crew shot blindly at their enemies. Men and women scrambled under the shower of bullets, aiming blindly at their attackers while looking for cover.

Soon enough the way to the ship was almost clear and without any second thought, they ran. Confusion reigned among their pursuers and, before they could realize just who was rushing through their wounded and the cloud of smoke, Nikolai, Alina and Tamar were finally inside the ship.

 

* * *

 

Clouds. Nothing but clouds. Alina looked through the tiny window of Nikolai’s small bedroom, her eyes absentmindedly watching the fluffs of white that had engulfed the ship. Her heart was still beating erratically from the run, her brain stupidly thinking of how things could have gone wrong in so many ways. She bit her lip, trying to will away those dark thoughts. Things didn’t go wrong, no need to worry about what could have happened. Still, she’d seen so much already in her short life, it was hard not to think about certain scenarios. Sometimes the what ifs were a worse enemy than a thousand volcra.

A door closed and soon footsteps sounded across the captain’s cabin. Nikolai stepped inside, his hair windswept, his jacket already off. Alina caught his gaze for a brief moment but quickly averted her eyes, feeling heat burning through her. There was an intensity to his gaze that made it impossible for Alina to not remember with detail the things they’d done the previous night.

Nikolai took off his shoes, climbed on top of the small bed and circled her waist, pulling her into his embrace. Alina sighed and leaned back, savouring the warmth of his body, the hardness of his muscle. The realness of it all. This was real, he was real. They were safe and sound. The dark what ifs scattered away, her mind no longer feeding their hungry mouths.

“That was a close call, huh?” she said after a while. Nikolai’s fingers tensed ever so slightly before he planted a soft kiss on her head.

“I’d say close enough to never again bring you with me on these trips, but we both know you’d kill me if I even dared to think of that.” Though he said it lightly, there was an undertone of seriousness to his words. He was scared, scared for her. Like she was for him.

Careful not to lose any of his warmth, Alina twisted a bit in his arms so she could look at him, “And risk death sentence for killing the king of Ravka?” she said, a playful smirk playing on her lips. Nikolai’s eyes sparked with mirth, any sign of worry vanished in a heartbeat.

“And here I always thought you were in love with me.” He tickled her, earning a string of high pitched giggles that filled him with the warmth of a thousand summer days, “All along you just wanted to get to the throne, you minx.”

In her haste to evade the tickles, Alina fell on her back with Nikolai in tow. Whether it was an accident or not, neither wanted to think of it that much, “Obviously.” She said between gasps as she batted away Nikolai’s hands. Try as she might, Nikolai always found a new opening which he exploited with delight.

Finally, when she thought she couldn’t breathe anymore, the tickling stopped. Alina inhaled deeply, her lungs thankful for the new air.

Nikolai pressed his forehead against hers and bumped his nose on hers. His eyes shined with a light of their own and Alina struggled for breath for a moment. A cryptic smile curved his lips, quickly broken by the tip of his tongue in the next second, “You’re so beautiful…” a soft, feather-like kiss on her lips, “I’m not even sure I deserve you.” Another kiss, soft, light, but enough to burn through her, straight to her heart.

Alina shook her head softly, “Don’t be an ass.” Nikolai chuckled and she felt it more than heard it, as his laughter vibrated through her entire being, “You’re not so bad looking yourself.” She added. Delight took over as Nikolai’s laughter grew louder and less restrained. Almost like the laughter of a little kid. It was light and bright and just so pure. It was a beautiful melody that Alina had never known to need to hear. When his laughter subsided, she circled his neck and pulled him closer until they were just a breath away from kissing, “I love you, Nikolai. Insufferable ego and all.”

She felt him smile, “But Alina. Sunshine, that’s exactly why I’m so damnably attractive.” And then he closed the distance, kissing her like he hadn’t kissed her before, as if he could pour into every movement, every breath, every moan and every gasp, just how he felt about her, just how _much_ he felt. Alina swore her heart wanted to break through its cage of bone and skin and soar away with how full of love it was. She swore it was just a breath away from doing just so.

In the end maybe it did and she was just too distracted to notice the fact. The kisses of a king and the confessions of a best friend had taken control of all her attention.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed this! I actually love the scenario of these two going on the craziest adventures in between court meetings :3
> 
> comments/feedback/fangirling is always welcome and keeps me inspired <3


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